Thursday, May 10, 2007

Jealousy

I just caught wind of yet another pregnancy announcement from one of my cousins. They, like the rest of my family, are breeders. She is in the VERY early stages of her pregnancy and doesn't even know the due date yet. My immediate thought was, "Typical breeders. It's so not fair that this happens so easily for them. And they're telling people this early, why? I sure hope nothing goes wrong."

Iinfertility has made a skeptic out of me. I am still very aware of the fact that I could lose this baby and though the odds side more in my favor as each day passes, I'm still paranoid. With every twinge and pang, I debate whether or not to call my doctor's office and demand an ultrasound. I am severely jealous that others are able to blissfully go throughout their pregnancies with the naivety that everything will be fine. Even after my sister-in-law experienced bleeding in her first few weeks, had deadly progesterone levels, and saw a fatally low heartbeat at 6 weeks, she "assumed" everything would be fine and began sharing the news right away. Is this naivety? Ignorance? Faith? What is it that these people have that I don't that makes them feel OK to announce their pregnancies upon seeing that first positive line?

1 comment:

Kathy said...

I can totally understand your feelings. It just doesn't seem fair that some people can not only procreate so easily, but that it can all be so "perfect" for them. They're in the "ignorance is bliss" club.