I've been thinking a lot about how my life is going to change when our little guy gets here. People say that when they are pregnant they develop an immediate bond with the baby. I haven't really felt what others describe. I'm not "in love" with the baby yet. I'm in love with the idea. I definitely feel a bond to the entity that has taken up residence in my uterus. I smile when I look at his ultrasound pictures, when I read about how he's growing, or when Dave talks to him like Darth Vader - using my belly button as a microphone. Yet, my image of this kid is not of an infant. I get emotional watching dads play soccer with their 3-year-olds, envisioning a picnic with a 2 year old, and thoughts of visiting the zoo when he's 5. I tear up when I see 2T overalls and little croc shoes that would fit a toddler. That doesn't happen when I hold up a 0-3 month onesie. Why, you ask? I honestly don't know. Maybe it's a subconscious fear that I won't be able to take care of an infant. Perhaps it's denial, or self-preservation that this is finally a reality. A hesitation to idealize an infant in my life. I've ALWAYS been able to picture children in our lives...never a baby. Or maybe it's because God was preparing me for the bigger picture. No matter how we built our family - the end result would be the same...
I don't know what the answer is, but I'm excited to find out.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Cry Baby
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4 comments:
I sometimes feel something like that. Even though I'm not pregnant I can't invision myself having an infant. I, too, see myself with toddlers and up. I don't know why. And I also feel like I'm not going to be able to take care of an infant. I tend to be skiddish around them as well.
I have no doubt in my mind that you won't have any problems taking care of the little guy when he gets here! And you have so many people (especially your mom) who you can talk to and that can help at a moments notice! Try not to worry, you'll be great!!!
Have you spent a lot of time working in Primary? If so, that could explain why it's easier to imagine doing things w/ slightly older children.
Some people are not baby moms. They like the toddler and on ages better. Maybe that's it. I know many moms like that. I prefer the baby stage. I crave it and long for it all the time. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy every stage, but my favorite is newborn till they walk. So, maybe you are one that likes the older stages where they are more independant and can play and interact more with you. You will be fine with your baby boy!
I agree with Kasey. She is a baby mom, I am not!! No, I'm not evil!! I LOVE being a mom, but I definately think it is more fun when they can interact. I love the toddler stage & when they start to talk. So cute. Babies are cute too, just different. Don't worry Ang! I remember sitting in Jake's room the night before he was born thinking I'm going to have a baby tomorrow... it was still not real! I had a dose of reality the next morning :)
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