Fear

I've realized lately how cautious I've been with my emotions. They are raw, I'm sure due in part to the raging pregnancy hormones. So raw, that I whimper at lame commercials and even last night when Dave accidentally ate my burger that I so craved. Yet, I guard them. When I start to well up, I immediately shut myself down and refuse to let that emotion out. I think this is the reason I've withheld sharing the news of our new pregnancy with family and friends. I'm afraid that their emotions will somehow force me into new ones that I'm not prepared to experience yet. I know that with each ultrasound, I take a step up on the progress ladder. However, each step takes me to higher ground where the fall is imminently more painful. I'm afraid to take those steps for fear that the hole I'm still digging myself out of will engulf me forever if I fall again.

UPDATE: K, I just realized that I cried over a burger last night. How funny is that?! Dave apologized through his laughter, but I was so hungry! We did go back through the drive-through and order another one PLUS a milkshake. He owed me at least a milkshake. While we were waiting for the order, I kept gagging over the smell of the tater tots. P.S. Cheese has the worst after-taste.