the real question...

I'm nervous but also very excited to begin documenting this new journey we're about to embark on. For those of you who aren't aware, Dave and I have suffered a long road of infertility. Almost 3 years in fact. We've endured SEVERAL tests and treatments, more than 12 months of medicated cycles, 4 artificial inseminations (all ending with negatives) and a natural pregnancy that shortly ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks 4 days. I know it seems trite compared to some of my fellow Stirrup Queens, but ANY battle with infertility is a difficult one.

The title of my blog "to pee or not to pee" has two angles to it. One: I am an habitual stick fiend. I have been known to pee on a stick on command in any situation needed. When you succumb to numerous fertility tests and treatments, you become an addict of peeing on a stick. I pee on sticks at all points in my cycle. At the beginning of my cycle, I pee on a pregnancy test to confirm my period isn't in fact implantation bleeding. I pee on fertility monitor sticks and ovulation predictor sticks throughout the duration of my cycle. And I go through at least 2 pregnancy test sticks again at the end of each cycle. It's a disgusting habit that I've vowed to break...soon.

Two: "to pee or not to pee" comes into play in this new chapter in my life as I've found myself newly pregnant again. I find myself speechless as I type these words yet a second time. I am elated, yet extremely terrified that the outcome will be the same as last. We will remain cautiously optimistic until our baby is safely in our arms. Forgive me if my excitement doesn't come through with these words. I am indeed thrilled, but I don't feel I'll be able to relax until I see the first heartbeat.

As with most pregnant women, I'm doing the pee-pee dance in my office chair every 1-2 hours, thus the poignant phrase "to pee or not to pee". That indeed is the question.