Aaaack!

Sometimes I feel like the world is playing a cruel joke on me: I'm not really pregnant. They're just doing a study to see if women display symptoms if they're told they're pregnant. Like my averstion to ANY odor is just another one of my pseudo-symptoms that I've conjured up. I almost feel like I'm faking it. It's not real. It can't be real. Dave and I can't make babies. I almost feel like I've been brainwashed. Infertility really plays these tricks on your mind.


When I knew I was pregnant, I only peed on one stick, ONE! I was too afraid to use up any others for fear that I wouldn't have any to pee on the following month! Even when the stick indicated a negative all those other times...I would pee on 1 or 2 more, just in case. What is my problem? Has infertility permanently branded me to think only negative thoughts? Have I lost all hope? I'm losing it!


In other news: our 12 week ultrasound is scheduled for this Friday! I'm excited about this one because I've been told we'll be able to see the baby moving around as well as get some really good shots because they'll be doing a lot of measuring. (In the back of my mind-my main concern is that the heart is still beating and there is in fact a live baby in there...damn infertility.)