Graduating

Well folks, it seems I am graduating to maternity pants. I've been trying the rubber-band trick for the past 2 weeks now and its getting old. Keri accompanied me to Motherhood, Old Navy and JC Penney and helped me with some great finds. She also acted as a model for me for the warmer clothes since I'll be her size in the winter. I still need to get a few more essentials, but I think I'm set for now.

Hungry

I must be going through a growth spurt or something. This weekend I could not get enough to eat! On Sunday I woke up and had a bowl of cereal, then a blueberry muffin and a yogurt. I took a muffin with me along with some fruit snacks because 3 hours is a long time with no grub! After church I had a grilled cheese sandwich, another bowl of cereal, and a smoothie because I was still hungry! I still felt like I hadn't eaten anything after that full 3-course meal! Such a weird feeling. I'm trying to get used to the new feelings and identifying actual hunger pangs, but I'm so not used to them being this strong. I feel like a cow!

WE'RE PREGNANT!

If you're reading this blog for the first time, WELCOME! You've probably navigated your way over from another blog by learning that we're pregnant. We couldn't be happier. Thank you for celebrating our journey with us!


If you're wondering how or when it happened...you can start here.


I'll be updating every now and then, so check back often!

I Can't Button My Pants (Sigh)

I woke up this morning to put on my "big girl pants" - my super comfy jeans that have always been loose, even straight out of the dryer. I couldn't button them. How did I get so fat? I haven't been eating! Then I realized I have good reason for my jeans not fitting and I got excited! I walked to the mirror to investigate. I've always been blessed with a flat stomach, but now I have a little pooch that I cannot suck in. Believe me, I tried. I assembled the age-old rubberband trick and went on my way.

Who knew that busting out of your pants could put such a smile on your face? It made my morning.

Reunited and it Feels So Good...

Wendy's and I haven't been on the best of terms the past few weeks. Every time I drive by her, I cringe. She used to be my favorite stop for lunch; I'd drop by and visit once a week. Ever since my 6th week of pregnancy, I haven't had the stomach to see her. However, today, I stopped in to see how she was doing and it turns out we are friends again. She bribed me with a bacon cheeseburger and chicken nuggets. Although, the nuggets with ranch didn't go down so well, the burger was good enough to put us on better terms for the time being.

Aaaack!

Sometimes I feel like the world is playing a cruel joke on me: I'm not really pregnant. They're just doing a study to see if women display symptoms if they're told they're pregnant. Like my averstion to ANY odor is just another one of my pseudo-symptoms that I've conjured up. I almost feel like I'm faking it. It's not real. It can't be real. Dave and I can't make babies. I almost feel like I've been brainwashed. Infertility really plays these tricks on your mind.


When I knew I was pregnant, I only peed on one stick, ONE! I was too afraid to use up any others for fear that I wouldn't have any to pee on the following month! Even when the stick indicated a negative all those other times...I would pee on 1 or 2 more, just in case. What is my problem? Has infertility permanently branded me to think only negative thoughts? Have I lost all hope? I'm losing it!


In other news: our 12 week ultrasound is scheduled for this Friday! I'm excited about this one because I've been told we'll be able to see the baby moving around as well as get some really good shots because they'll be doing a lot of measuring. (In the back of my mind-my main concern is that the heart is still beating and there is in fact a live baby in there...damn infertility.)

Ms. Grumpy Pants

I know I shouldn't be irritated about this, but I am. First of all, I'm terrified that sharing our news will somehow jinx this pregnancy. Last night at Dave's brother's birthday party, I walked in to congratulations from several people. People I hadn't seen in a long time. Apparently my FIL had been informing all the guests of our news as they walked through the door. I was a bit taken aback. I guess nothing is sacred anymore. I just feel betrayed when we make such specific requests not to tell and yet, it comes flying out with no abandon. I was angry at first, now I feel offended. Not only was I unprepared for congrats, but I was confident that our news wouldn't be shared by our close family when we asked them not to.

Let down...again.

11 Weeks Today!

I'm 11 weeks today...so close to the end of my first trimester. I told Heather about our little bean last night, she was so excited. I still get nervous telling people for some reason. It's funny. Keri wanted me to share the news at her baby shower, but I'm hesitant. 1. I don't want to rain on her parade...it's her day. 2. I feel like I'm going to jinx it somehow, so I'm holding it in as long as I can.

My pregnancy books say that the baby is fully formed now, all it has to do is grow. Grow baby grow!!

Tired

I'm tired. Not much to post other than morning sickness is more like night sickness. I get nauseous towards the end of the day and not much will make it subside. Peppermints and I are best friends.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was surprisingly emotional for me. I felt very much in limbo while driving to church. I had so many raging emotions that I didn't know what to feel. I felt sorrow for the baby we had lost in January, joy for the new life I carried, excitement for my Mother moving back to Arizona, despair for my friends suffering infertility and finally, sadness for the loss of my own infertility. I am very happy to be moving on from that point in my life, but I felt a strange sense of emptiness realizing that we were putting it behind us. As I sobbed uncontrollably in church, Dave wrapped me in his amazing embrace.

When we returned home, Dave presented me with the most perfect 1st Mother's Day card and a tiny newborn sleeper that said "Champ" on it. I bawled like a baby. I love that man.

Later that afternoon, we took Dave's Mom her gift. She opened the card that said "to the Grandma to be (again)" and smiled. Then she went on to read the inside. We noticed she didn't have her glasses on and was only skimming! She pulled the card away from her face and it took a while for it to register. Then she said "are you kidding? yeah!!!", then started crying and giving hugs. Then she asked how far along I was. Dad Rich and Sara, the only two others in the room figured it out by then. We called Marie after our visit - she kept laughing and saying how excited she was for us. It was a great day.

We Spilled the Bean!

I just couldn't wait. My parents were moving to town this weekend and we went over to their place to greet them last night. We decided to take them a "housewarming gift". We were all sitting around the table (Joyce & Scott were not able to make it-Steven would be coming later) and Mom asked who the flowers were from. As I pushed a small gift bag toward her, I said, "oh, we wanted to get you a housewarming gift, so we had a portrait taken today." "Oh, that's so nice!" Mom said. She pulled out the tissue and began unwrapping the small frame that carried the ultrasound picture. She looked at the photo, then at me with confusion in her eyes. Then the tears started. "Don't tease me", she said while shooting up from her seat. "Well, it was taken today" I said while choking back my own tears. She started bawling and covered her mouth with the frame clutched close to her chest. Everyone was looking at Dave and me completely confused. Dad stood up to console Mom and try to get a glimpse at the photo. Then Jackie said, "is that what I think it is?" and Dad "what is going on?" Mom slowly turned the frame around to reveal to the rest of the family. Shouts of excitement. Jackie started crying and someone said "no way". Then the story of our little bean began...

10 Weeks Today!

I can't believe how fast that went! Time sure does fly when you sleep through most of it ;)

My 10 week OBGYN appointment is today. I'm very nervous AGAIN. I have this haunting thought in the back of my mind that my doctor will tell me that there's no heartbeat every time I have an appointment. Unfortunately, I won't have an ultrasound to reassure me :( I'm hoping I'll get to hear the heartbeat with the doppler though.

We're telling our families in two days, I'm so excited and nervous!

UPDATE @ 7:04pm: I truly love my doctor, she wanted to do an ultrasound just to set my mind at ease over Mother's Day, especially since we were planning on telling our family the news. We saw our little bean jumping around and the heart flickering away. She printed out 3 pics. 1 for each of our mothers and one for me to keep.

Jealousy

I just caught wind of yet another pregnancy announcement from one of my cousins. They, like the rest of my family, are breeders. She is in the VERY early stages of her pregnancy and doesn't even know the due date yet. My immediate thought was, "Typical breeders. It's so not fair that this happens so easily for them. And they're telling people this early, why? I sure hope nothing goes wrong."

Iinfertility has made a skeptic out of me. I am still very aware of the fact that I could lose this baby and though the odds side more in my favor as each day passes, I'm still paranoid. With every twinge and pang, I debate whether or not to call my doctor's office and demand an ultrasound. I am severely jealous that others are able to blissfully go throughout their pregnancies with the naivety that everything will be fine. Even after my sister-in-law experienced bleeding in her first few weeks, had deadly progesterone levels, and saw a fatally low heartbeat at 6 weeks, she "assumed" everything would be fine and began sharing the news right away. Is this naivety? Ignorance? Faith? What is it that these people have that I don't that makes them feel OK to announce their pregnancies upon seeing that first positive line?

The Glamour of Pregnancy

Last night I had my first real bout of morning sickness. It hit my like a brick. I was completely undressed getting ready to hop in the shower and had to run to the toilet. While heaving into the bowl, I peed ALL over the floor. I just couldn't hold either end in...how embarrassing! Dave came walking in to see if he could do anything for me and I screamed at him to get out. When I told him what happened he got this horrified look on his face and said, "did you clean it up?" Lucky for him I did. I felt so much better after that.

I Hate the Mall

Dave and I went shopping at the mall Saturday night and I was dying! We returned a couple ties at one store and shopped for some shorts for Dave at another (the stores were across the mall from each other). By the time we reached the 2nd store, I was panting. I am usually good for a 15 minute walk, but this is ridiculous! Dave was laughing at me as I went in search for a chair to sit down. I found one by the fitting room while he was trying on his finds.

Note to self: stay away from the mall unless you're prepared to trek in a wheelchair.

9 Weeks Today!

Dave and I shopped for Mother's Day cards last night. We bought two: one for his mom, one for mine. Both were addressed to Grandma.

Dave laughed giddily. I just cried.

New-found Love

I came home from work exhausted yesterday to a clean kitchen. Gotta love that Dave! Later last night, he brought me a strawberry shake home from Sonic. We're best friends.

Unsung Hero

Poor Dave. I just realized how hormonal I really am lately. Dave has been putting up with my grumpiness very well. He does tend to get defensive when I snap at him, but that quickly fades when I remind him that I'm just hormonal and not out to get him. I forget how much he does for me. Especially lately. The past 5 nights, he's been at my beckon call to make my lame dinners since I'm so tired. Stuffing, rice pilaf, mashed potatoes, pretty much anything starchy and boring that my stomach can tolerate. And he hasn't complained once about making dinner for me. He even cleaned out the fridge because I can't stand the smell! He takes walks with me at the drop of a hat and insists that I rest when I come home from work. What a great guy. He really is a keeper.